Back to School Tips

It is hard to believe it is almost that time again! Where did the summer go?  Some of you may already be back to school, but here in Ontario school goes in right after Labour Day!  Are YOU ready for back to school?

Back to school time often brings on stress and anxiety for families. Kids can begin to display symptoms of anxiety just at the thought of heading back to the classroom.  However, it is not just kids that experience this stress.  Parents and caregivers are often feeling overwhelmed when gearing up to another "potentially" challenging school year.

So how can you prepare for back to school and reduce, if not beat, that stress all together?  Here are ten tips that will help you ease in to another school year.

1. Stay positive! OK, you might be thinking "Ya right!", but let me explain.  I am a firm believer that your thoughts often become reality.  If your thoughts heading into the school year are negative, if all you expect is for bad things to happen, all that will happen will be less than positive things. That's all you will notice and you will be in the zone of "See, I told you so." Trust me, I speak from experience.  I am not going to pretend that every part of heading back to school will be easy, but mindset is everything. Put it out there to the universe that your child is going to have a great year and you are going to help make a positive difference in their transition. Not only will this ease your own stress, but it will impact your child's belief system and attitudes as well.  They take their cue from us, so don't get caught in the negativity trap.

2. Don't ask your child if they are looking forward to going back to school if you know the answer is going to be "no".  Get them thinking about school by making comments like "I bet it will be great to see Sally when school starts". If you do ask questions, keep them positive.  Ask them in a way that will have them reflecting on the good aspects of school and deflect comments that might bring up the less positive emotions.

3. Start to ease in to new routines 7-10 days before school goes back in.  If you start too soon, your child will resent you.  However, you know your child best so if you need to start sooner, then by all means do so.  When possible have your child collaborate with you on setting up a school day routine from wake-up to bedtime that works for everyone.  They are more likely to compromise with you than follow through on something that is imposed on them without any discussion. Partner with your child on a plan for the day.  The truth is parents don't always know best.  I have learned this the hard way!

4. Create a family calendar and avoid over scheduling.  I suggest you colour code your calendar into blocks so you can see how time is being spent.  Something new I am going to try this year is to colour block in some me time!  Yes ME! As a parent you have to look after yourself because only then can you be best prepared to look after others! Schedule in your ME time when your calendar is being prepared!  Block off that time for yourself before the calendar gets so filled up there just isn't any place for it. Make sure the kiddo's also have their own "Me" time.  This will help them learn to respect your needs if you respect theirs.

5. Gather supplies for a homework box!  Homework is a stressful time and the worst thing that often happens is when kids are unable to find that pencil, eraser or hole punch when they need it.  Reduce the amount of stress in your home by keeping a well stocked box and replenish the supplies as needed.

6. Purge the bedroom!  Clean out those closets and desk drawers.  Out with the old (only if it's of no use or no longer fits) and get prepared to bring in the new.  Do this before you back to school shop to help you stick to your budget!  Too often we buy more than we need or find out we already have things at home and didn't need to replace them.

7. For parents of students with special needs, pull out last years I.E.P. and start reviewing it.  It will take your child's new teacher some time to get to know your child each school year, but it won't be long before you will need to connect with them to get the ball rolling in terms of any accommodations or modifications your child may need. Make sure all of your child's medical information is up to date, and identify any "must shares" for that first day of school. Feel free to send a brief note to your child's teacher to introduce yourself, share important information and open up the lines of communication for dialogue throughout the school year.

8.  If your child is anxious about school, provide reassurance and generate some mutually agreed upon coping strategies.  Listen to your child's concerns, but be leary of any assumptions you or child may make about a particular situation.  So often problems escalate before the facts are even uncovered and can set the tone for the rest of the school year.

9. Have your kids help you generate some meal plans to ensure both a healthy breakfast and a healthy lunch throughout the school day. A good start to the day can not be underestimated! Kids are more likely to become involved in the meal preparation if they have contributed to the grocery list.

10.  Ensure everyone in the home is getting adequate sleep.  Nothing contributes to stress and anxiety more than a lack of sleep.  The average elementary child requires 10 - 12 hours of sleep a day (Web MD, 2014).  Of course this will vary from child to child but it is a good guideline.

Do you have a #backtoschool tip?  I invite you to share below!



References

WebMD,. (2014). How Much Sleep Do Children Need?. Retrieved 27 August 2015, from http://www.webmd.com/parenting/guide/sleep-children?page=2

The Art of Partnership

During a recent interview with Jameelah Gamble - A Voice For All, I was asked what advice I would give to parents whose children with special needs are transitioning between grades, schools, and systems (elementary to secondary).  I don't recall my exact answer, and I know I did not have the opportunity to say all I could have said given the time constraints. I can tell you it centered around one word - partnership.

I have learned a great deal about partnership over the years, both personally and professionally. I have learned through experience what it is, what it looks like, what it feels like and unfortunately, through some negative experiences, what partnership is not.  Partnership doesn't just happen.  It takes a commitment.

What is partnership?

• requires at least two people but can be an entire organization
• a genuine commitment to one another to achieve an end goal

What does partnership look like?  

• shared ideas and agendas
• mutual respect
• negotiation is evident
• mutual acknowledgement
• non-competitive
• effective communication
• joint leadership

What does partnership feel like?

• energetic
• inspiring
• enlightening
• empowering
• valuable
• equitable
• strength based

What partnership is not?

• jealous
• spiteful
• competitive
• one sided
• vulnerable
• dishonest

Partnership in K-12

With many ugly stories that parents hear about the education system, and more specifically special education, how can a parent not feel apprehensive about a transition from grade to grade, school to school, elementary to secondary or even secondary to college?  Let's face it. There are some troubling stories out there and unfortunately we do tend to focus on the negative despite the fact there are good news stories.  With a transition on the horizon, it is important to remember that both parents and educators have a responsibility to prepare for next year and to start the new school year off on the right foot. 

Here are some tips to help set the stage for partnership between you, your student's education team and your child.

Parents:

• Start early - If you know who your child's teacher will be next year - introduce or re-introduce yourself.  
• Think positively - tell the teacher/s that you are looking forward to working together next year
• Accept that change isn't necessarily bad.  Each teacher is different just as each student is different. Change builds resilience and there just might be a better way to do things.
• Talk positively in front of your child about the change and the people involved.
• Check your own biases at the door - we all come to new situations with past experiences, both positive and negative.  
• Assume the best of your teacher before you jump to conclusions of the worst.
• The 24-hour rule is a rule for a reason.  It does help.
• Inform yourself.
• Attend all meetings.  If one isn't initiated, initiate one yourself.
• Freely share information.
• Ask, ask, ask questions.  Don't stew. Clarify!
• Acknowledge your teacher's effort - the big and the small. 

Educators:

• Believe that parents do know their children and have valuable things to contribute to discussions.
• Read your student's files and I.E.P.
• Don't make assumptions - ask questions.
• Return messages and phone calls promptly.
• If you don't know an answer to a parent's question - no problem.  Ask someone and follow-up. Don't guess.
• Remember there is no room for judgement in partnership. Once judgment is past, partnership is eroded (trust me).
• Model a growth mindset in students and parents.
• Compromise - your solution may not always be the only solution (or even the right solution).
• Reach out - communicate in as many ways as possible.
• Respect confidentiality.
• Use people first language. 
• Acknowledge the student's effort.  Acknowledge the parents contributions.
• Learn something else about the student that is non-academic focused on show an interest in communicating about that topic from time to time.

Partnership, even among the most committed pairs, groups and teams can bring about challenges. However a partnership that starts out on shaky ground, and/or isn't genuine, is quite likely destined to breakdown. Building relationships is key to building partnership and we don't build relationships by tearing each other down. Helen Keller once said "Alone we can do so little, together we can do so much." The key - master the art of partnership.

 
Originally posted on the P.A.L.S. Network Blog on June 9, 2015

10 Tips to Accomplishing Your Goals

At this time of year, we are often reflecting on our past and thinking about our future. We set new goals for ourselves that some like to call New Years Resolutions.   Whatever you call them they are important to consider.  My reflections have led me to think more about my accomplishments this past year, both professionally and personally.  Fortunately, I can say that I am feeling very accomplished in 2014. This led me to think more deeply about the idea of accomplishment as I look ahead to the new year.

Accomplishment can mean different things at different times in your life.  For some, an accomplishment is merely getting out of bed or getting to work on time. These are examples of successful achievements of specific tasks.  For others, an accomplishment is anything that has been achieved successfully that has required long-term effort. Examples of this are graduating from college, getting married or landing your dream job. Essentially accomplishment is anything that has been achieved successfully and is recognized by yourself personally or publicly by others.

Accomplishment makes people feel good. When one feels accomplished they experience pride and joy.  People often share their accomplishments with others and this can sometimes be perceived as boasting. I encourage you to consider thinking about this as more likely wanting to motivate and empower others to aim high. At least that is my experience. Accomplishment leaves people with the feeling that they have a sense of purpose and that they are achieving things in their life which give their existence a deeper meaning.  

Most of us experience days where we can feel truly accomplished in so many ways.  Other days we may feel we have achieved very little. People often perceive me as accomplishing a great deal and some have actually asked me if I ever sleep.  I can agree that sometimes I have too many balls in the air, no doubt.  However, for the most part these balls are what keep my soul the happiest.  

Here are some tips to help you feel more accomplished in your life.   

1. Think small. Not all accomplishments need to be big.  Appreciate the small tasks you complete whether you do them once or on a regular basis. 

2. Prioritize.  Are you juggling a lot of balls? To keep them all up, you need to choose which ball needs your attention and when.  Not all of the balls can be reaching the same height at the same time. Which one is at risk of hitting the ground first?  This is the ball that needs your attention as soon as possible.

3. Set timelines.  Set goals for yourself each day and identify how much time you have to spend on a task BEFORE you get started. As often as possible stick to your timelines.  Be your own taskmaster.

4. Empower yourself. Know that you can accomplish a lot in 5-15 minutes.  I experience this often with household tasks. If you have 15 minutes it is up to you to decide how to use it.  Do you want to accomplish 3 or 4 little tasks in 15 minutes or would you feel better devoting 15 minutes to a larger goal or outcome?

5. Accomplishments have value. Ask yourself what value does this task have?  For example, cooking for some may not be a favoured past time.  However, there is something to be said about self-care. Since many of us are so busy, looking after ourselves on a regular basis is an important accomplishment. Make your health a priority.

6. Identify what fuels your energy, What makes you feel good?  Is it helping others, a quiet walk, or completing a household chore?  Be sure to have elements of whatever makes you feel good each and every day.  This is sure to lead to a sense of accomplishment and fulfillment when you're putting your desires first.

7. Sometimes saying "no" is necessary. Know when to say "no" or "maybe next time". Some opportunities are time sensitive and require a great deal of thought before declining.  However, over-scheduling yourself can lead to reduced feelings of accomplishment. You may be a slave to many but a master to none. Sometimes saying "no" is necessary.  

8.  Mix it up!  The balls you have in the air should feed your soul.  Family, friends, work, volunteer projects, time to yourself - whatever you choose to spend your time doing it should feel meaningful and feel good.  If it doesn't? Rethink it! 

9. Strive for balance.  Be sure to identify your accomplishments in all areas of your life.  If one area feels abandoned add this to your priority list.  

10. Celebrate!  Share your accomplishments with people big or small.  Perhaps you will inspire others to think about their own accomplishments in a different way.

As I look forward to 2015 I see great things ahead.  I have been inspired by many to think outside the box and try new things.  Today I am feeling accomplished as this blog post is a commitment to my personal goal of blogging.  I look forward to inspiring others as I emerge into a better writer and thinker on topics that are especially meaningful to me and hopefully to you as well.

What will make you feel accomplished today?  Whatever it is - go for it! After all... the smallest step can lead to your greatest accomplishment.